


Competitive Spirits

by raggedflagon



Category: One Piece
Genre: Double Penetration in Two Holes, Excessive Drinking, Multi, Oral Sex, Penis Measuring, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-09-24
Packaged: 2018-08-17 02:32:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8126986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raggedflagon/pseuds/raggedflagon
Summary: A drinking contest between Sanji and Zoro escalates beyond their expectations.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mylittlebudgie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mylittlebudgie/gifts).



You sigh with exasperation. Why are pirates so god damn stubborn?

 

“You don't think you're the first piece of shit to try it, do you?” you bluntly ask them.

 

“Huh?” The big one asks. “Just pour us another round. We'll pay for all of it, don't you worry.”

 

Anger begins to rise. “Like I just told you, we're closing for the day. Pay me right now, and you and your crew can get right back on your way, ship intact.”

 

“Look, lady,” he says, “We're here to drink our fill. If you try to kick us out again, you won't see a single berry. You might have heard of me already, I'm-”

 

“Let me guess,” you respond, “You're the kind of guys that are so tough you made it all the way to the New World, probably racking up a huge bounty along the way. So now, you're so used to not being told 'no' that you don't even bother to think anything through anymore, is that about right? Clearly this little floating tavern in the middle of pirate central stays in business without any protection, right?”

 

You smirk at them. The 'captain' looks like he's thinking so hard he'll burn out his pea brain.

 

“We're not scared of you,” he decides, “do whatever you want, but we'll be taking-”

 

Nope, that's plenty. You interrupt him with a loud, high pitched whistle. This isn't the first time you've done this, even today, but these goons are particularly annoying you.

 

The pirates stop muttering and turn to look at you. You stare triumphantly back at them.

 

After a moment of silence, the ship begins to rock violently.

 

“Why don't you look out the window?” You say, amused at the confusion on their faces.

 

The captain remains glaring at you, but his crew runs to the windows to see. Several of them scream loudly, taking the captain's attention.

 

“The ship!” They shout, “It has the ship!”

 

You casually go back to washing cups while they scamper onto the deck to get a better view. This was your favorite part. It's nicer when they just pay and leave, of course, but if they choose not to, it's always fun to have them grovel back.

 

Their pirate ship is now thousands of feet in the air, being held up by colossal skyscraper-sized tentacles.

 

The captain bursts back inside, looking absolutely frantic. “Are you making it do that?!?” He screams at you desperately.

 

“Yep,” you say, not looking up from your cups. “Rosie is an old family friend. She'll put it down if I tell her to in the next two minutes. Otherwise, she'll throw it as far as she can. I'm sure you saw the enormous pile of rubble against the Red Line on your way here. That's the remains of the ships she gets rid of for me.”

 

“Bullshit,” he says weakly, but his eyes are filling with dread.

 

“Ok,” you respond, smirking. “You have one minute till you find out for sure.”

 

“Fine, we'll leave! Just give us our ship back!” he stammers.

 

“Of course. That'll be #B#5,000 for your drinks and service, and #B#1,000,00 for the safe return of your ship,” you tell him. The fee always varies based on how you feel, and what you feel right now is “so very done with these scumbags.”

 

“Not a chance!” he exclaims, but despite the anger in his voice, he did not sound very resolved.

 

You continue washing without bothering to look up at him.

 

“Twenty seconds,” you tell him casually.

 

“Why are you even closing so early, it's only eight o'clock?!” he asks frantically.

 

Stupid bastard has some nerve.

 

“Because you're irritating me,” you tell him, “Ten. Nine. Eight-”

 

“OK OK, I'll pay it, you loathsome witch!” He says desperately.

 

“Oh?” you ask.

 

Screams come from the deck as Rosie's tentacles begin to bend down, preparing to launch the ship into the rough, rocky surface of the Red Line on the horizon.

 

“Please, give us our ship back!! I'll pay, but all our gold is on board!” the captain pleads, tears in his eyes now.

 

“Would a loathsome witch have mercy?” you ask him inquisitively, enjoying the panic.

 

“You're not a witch! You're a beautiful, kind lady!” he stammered hurriedly.

 

“I'm a beautiful lady who is about to be getting #B#2,000,000 worth of gold, right?” you ask.

 

The new number causes him to flinch a little, but he agrees profusely.

 

Feeling satisfied, you whistle loudly again, causing the ship to be lowered safely back into the water.

 

“Now get back to your ship, all of you!” you shout at them, “I don't want you here for another second! You can send someone back with the gold.”

 

The captain assures you that he'll gather up the gold and send someone immediately, but you aren't worried. It's not like they'd be foolish enough to run away. Besides, they had made two huge mistakes: Pissing you off, and telling you that their treasure consists of nice, durable gold.

 

You don't think of yourself as a cruel person. Not to other people, anyway. Sometimes though, when certain people rub you the wrong way, they cease to be people in your eyes.

 

You watch as everyone scrambles onto the ship before you give the order. You whistle shrilly one more time, and listen to the screams as the pirate ship is once again lifted high above the waves. The terrified cries get louder as Rosie's tentacles bends backwards, and then fade to silence as the ship is propelled at mach speed towards the horizon, eventually ending with a dull “thud!”

 

“Finally,” you sigh, “Thanks Rosie, you're the best.”

 

Rosie moans lowly, indicating her good feelings, and sinks back into the sea.

 

You grit your teeth as you head back inside. Fucking hell. They wrecked up everything. Chairs were strewn around, tables were overturned, and spilled drinks littered the whole place.

 

“At least they paid for it,” you decide, smirking to yourself.

 

You're allied with a group of scavengers that are more than happy to have you throw ships their way. They dig through the wreckage and sniff out every piece of treasure, and on occasions like this one, search through the bodies to see if anyone is still recognizable enough to trade in for their bounties. You get a hefty percentage, of course, and it's a very lucrative business.

 

You straighten up the room the best you can. Despite all the money you potentially just made, it's no fun to mop up glass shards and spilled rum. You mutter angrily to yourself.

 

Eventually, the room is more-or-less back to the way it was before, with the addition of a few more knife notches in the tables. Maybe a display of power beforehand would make your customers behave more respectfully. “No,” you decide, “that would ruin the chance to extort the rotten ones...”

 

Not long later, you see a ship pull into view. The moon is still very low in the sky, but is shining brightly enough to get a good look. It appeared to be a brig sloop, brightly decorated with lots of red trim and some kind of lion-like head on the prow. Most importantly, the sail bore a Jolly Roger with an unmistakable straw hat.

 

Your pulse quickens a little. You don't bother to keep up with the news of every small-timer who makes it this far across the Grand Line, but sometimes you do get visitors with an infamous rep. In these situations, you typically change your tactics completely. Instead of threatening and demanding, you simply serve them what they want and don't bother charging. If they want to rob you, they'll only get whatever booze is lying around and whatever money you received that day. You'd never keep any real money there, so avoiding a fight at all costs is always a better option.

 

“I guess we're not closed after all,” you grumble lightly as you watch the ship drop anchor. These were the Straw Hat Pirates, and you've heard about them many times. Their captain was once known to be a complete lunatic renegade, attacking Enies Lobby, a Celestial Dragon, Impel Down, and even Marineford itself! Not to mention dethroning Crocodile, one of the Seven Warlords.

 

You decide to find their wanted posters to refresh yourself on what you're in for. It's been years since you've heard anything about them, and everyone assumed they were gone.

 

“There they are...” you remark when you find the old posters. There appear to be eight members in all, at least when the bounties were issued, and one pet raccoon dog. Their bounties totaled #B#800,000,050 altogether. Definitely big enough fish to avoid a fight with.

 

“HELLOOOoooo?” You hear a voice call out. It sounds like a boy, much younger than the gruff voices you usually hear.

 

You roll your eyes. If they want a greeting, they can come in and get it.

 

“You idiot. There's no way this isn't a trap. Why would there be a bar all the way out here?” a slightly raspy voice says.

 

“Trap or not, it's baited with booze.” Another voice points out. “Besides, didn't you live on a floating slop house just like this?”

 

“It was an upscale restaurant, Moss-for-brains!” 'Raspy' shouts, “Not that your hillbilly ass would be able to recognize one!”

 

“Can you two settle down for five minutes!?!” an angry female voice scolds.

 

“Yeah, and they might have meat!” the boyish one remarks excitedly, clearly oblivious.

 

You finally catch a glimpse of one as he presses his face flat against a window and looks inside. The straw hat he wore confirms that he is the captain, Monkey D. Luffy.

 

You smile politely and wave at him. No sense in pretending not to be home.

 

“Hey, someone _**is**_ in there!” he remarks happily and pulls back, before throwing open the door and coming inside, his cronies in tow.

 

He doesn't look nearly as scary as you expected. He starts to march right up to you with a big smile on his goofy, childish face. His two male goons look more serious though. You instantly recognize one of them as the handsome Pirate Hunter Zoro, Straw Hat's right hand man and notoriously powerful swordsman. The other guy doesn't seem to have a bounty, but you do recognize the woman that walked in behind them as Cat Burglar Nami.

 

“Hey! You guys have meat?” Straw Hat asks bluntly.

 

“Uh, Welcome,” you say, a little surprised at the greeting, “No, we don't serve any meat. Just peanuts and pretzels for food.”

 

“That's not really food...” he says, frowning a little with disappointment.

 

“Well, it's not really a restaurant,” you point out, trying to hold back any sound of annoyance, “but I'd be happy to serve you drinks.”

 

“I don't like drinks,” he pouts.

 

Great. The one big-shot that isn't itching for booze. It could be bad if he throws a tantrum.

 

“Stop bothering her, Luffy, it's not her fault you don't drink!” The unknown guy scolds him. Now that you get a chance to look at him up close, he's pretty handsome himself, almost as much as Zoro. His hair is a bit shaggier than Zoro's, and is blond instead of Zoro's light green. His eyebrow swirls upwards unusually, which looks almost familiar.

 

'Swirly' turns his attention back to you, and you flinch as his persona completely changes. “Oh my dear sweet bar-maiden,” he croons with hearts in his eyes, “He doesn't understand the joys of being in the presence of a beauty like yourself, please forgive him! <3”

 

Wow, okay. “No problem. So...” you begin awkwardly, “Can I get you guys anything?”

 

The woman, Nami, sighs exasperatedly at 'Swirly' and pulls him away by the ear. “So you're just a floating tavern? No pirates or anything around here right now?”

 

Was she asking if you are alone and unprotected? It didn't really feel like it. “Just you guys, for now,” you explain, “Why do you ask?”

 

Nami looks reassured, and says “There seems to be none of that crazy weather in this area, would you mind if we anchored down here for the night? I'm sure we could give you some business.”

 

That sounds innocent enough. “That sounds fine,” you tell her warmly, “provided you aren't looking to cause trouble.”

 

“Don't worry, we won't,” Nami laughed. “I'll go let everyone else know. If Sanji bothers you too much, just hit him.”

 

When she turns to leave, you see that Straw Hat Luffy had already made himself at home at one of the tables, and was balancing a spoon on his nose. The other two seem to be arguing over a bar stool.

 

“Like hell I'll move,” Zoro was saying, “I always sit closest to the bartender.”

 

“Yeah, so this time it's my turn!” 'Swirly' says.

 

Apparently this is Black Leg Sanji? He looks nothing like his poster.

 

“Can you get me a whiskey?” Zoro asks you, ignoring Sanji's yapping.

 

Zoro clearly was interested in drinking. While his seat is the one closest to your default standing spot, it isn't like the bar is crowded enough for it to make a difference. You're fully capable of moving to both ends of the bar within seconds. It's pretty obvious to you that he was only adamant about sitting there to bother Sanji.

 

Sanji refused to simply sit down beside him. His desire to flirt with you was clashing with his desire to not be around Zoro. It's flattering, but it's not like he's the first.

 

You smile coyly as you make the drink, listening to them fuss.

 

“Thanks,” Zoro says as you deliver the generously portioned drink to him, “Keep'm coming. Unlike him, this isn't my first bar experience.”

 

Oh boy, here it comes.

 

“Shut the hell up, bastard!” Sanji shouts at him angrily. “I'm more passionate about booze than you are, I just never want to drink with you!”

 

“Would you like a drink then, sweetheart?” you ask sweetly, instantly cooling him down. An angry pirate is never a good thing.

 

“Of course, my dear,” Sanji croons at you as he finally takes a seat two seats down from Zoro. “I'd love to drink anything that you'd serve me. <3”

 

“My specialty, then?” you clarify, and he nods.

 

He seems funny enough to have some fun with. You mix together lemon, rum, tequila, sour mix, and cranberry juice in a shaker and pour it in a glass for him.

 

“I can't believe there's a bar out here that has actual ingredients!” Sanji remarks, “Anywhere we go usually only has barrels of grog and beer, I've forgotten how delicious looking a mixed drink could be, especially from such a gorgeous lady! <3”

 

What a flirter.

 

“Aww, thanks,” you say, “It's nice to have a stocked bar for occasions like this.”

 

Zoro snorts as he downs his whiskey, and winks at you. Any barfly would recognize such a drink.

 

“Got a problem with it, Moss-head?” Sanji snaps at him.

 

“Nope,” Zoro says, “Can I get another?”

 

Sanji finally takes a sip while you pour another whiskey.

 

“Mmmm! It's delicious, my dear!!<3” Sanji exclaims.

 

You laugh.

 

“I'm glad you like it,” you say sweetly. Obnoxious or not, he was being sweet rather than the usual crudeness you get around here when others flirt.

 

Zoro snorts again, this time smirking.

 

“It's perfectly manly to enjoy a complex drink, Moss-head! Some of us enjoy civilized beverages!” Sanji retorts.

 

“Of course,” Zoro says, drinking his whiskey now. “You've never had a drink quite like that one, have you?” he asked.

 

You chuckle a little, knowing where this is going.

 

“Yep, this drink is beyond anything I've ever tasted!<3” Sanji says, turning his attention back to you.

 

“Good job, barkeep, it sounds like he's enjoying his first Pink Pussy,” Zoro says with a big grin.

 

You hold back laughter as Sanji stiffens and tries to figure out how to react.

 

“I'll have you know,” Sanji starts, but is interrupted by the door opening again.

 

This time, every single one of the crew comes inside, even the raccoon dog.

 

“Welcome,” you say to all of them. You may have been having fun observing the bickering, but you are once again reminded of just how careful you need to be. Joining them now are Cyborg Franky and Devil Girl Nico Robin, as well as a scrawny looking young guy with a long nose and man that appears to be an actual moving skeleton.

 

Robin joins the two at the bar, and everyone else sits around Straw Hat at his table.

 

After drinks are ordered, they start laughing and carrying on among themselves.

 

As you are pouring whiskey for Robin, and another for Zoro, the pet raccoon dog approaches you.

 

“Um, you don't happen to have chocolate milk, do you?” he asks you squeakily.

 

That's pretty surprising.

 

“I sure do, I'll bring you some right now,” you tell him, and he smiles wide and runs off to the table.

 

Before you can even make it, you hear Straw Hat call out happily, “Hey, I didn't know you have chocolate milk! Get me one too! And make it a double!”

 

You chuckle as you pour the milk. What a strange group. They really don't seem that bad. The most frightening looking ones, the captain, the cyborg, and the skeleton, are all hanging out and having a good time, not to mention acting incredibly silly. Even the girl at the bar, Robin, seemed to be in a good mood, though she wasn't eager to join in the shenanigans.

 

In contrast, the boys at the bar were still muttering to each other grumpily.

 

“I can handle more than you any day of the week, asshole,” Sanji says as you walk back over to them.

 

“Now that I'd like to see, fancy pants,” Zoro quips back.

 

“Oh!” Sanji exclaims as you man the bar once again. “May I have another of your specials, my sweet?<3”

 

You giggle at him and get to work. It's entertaining how he just flips back and forth like that. If he wasn't with a group like this, he just might have gotten lucky. He certainly has a charm about him, after all, and the pool of passable candidates has been completely empty for over a year.

 

“Oh well,” you think to yourself as you mix the drink. You are no stranger to lonely nights.

 

“Here you go, sweetheart,” you say sweetly, flirting a little anyway. “And another whiskey for you?”

 

“Not just yet, barkeep,” Zoro says, grinning evilly at Sanji. “That sure sounded like you were challenging me to a drinking contest. You're not actually brave enough for that, are you?”

 

“Hah!” Sanji snorts, “Sounds like a plan. What do I get when I win?”

 

Zoro's smile widens. “How about I cook a meal for you, for once? Or maybe I can give you a real haircut?”

 

“Those are both punishments, Moss-head! When I win, I want you to go up to everybody on the crew and tell them you lost to me. How's that?” Sanji shoots back.

 

“Deal. And if I win,” Zoro says, “I won't do anything extra. I just want to watch you embarrass yourself in front of the bartender.”

 

Well, at least that was fairly merciful. No way could Sanji keep up with such an experienced drinker. You can tell that he is only trying to impress you, and so can Zoro.

 

“Alright then,” Zoro declares when Sanji had no objections, “finish your Pink Pussy, and then we can start on some real drinks.”

 

Sanji blushed slightly at the name, and Robin chuckled. Who knew she was even listening?

 

“Two whiskeys, then?” you ask as he finished up.

 

“Of course, my sweet!<3” Sanji replies, and Zoro nods.

 

\-----

 

Some time later, the party starts to die down. The milk drinkers are the first to go, and the cyborg, skeleton, and long-nosed guy follow shortly after, when they have their fill.

 

Nami walks up to the bar and asks, “So are you guys going to keep drinking all night, or what?”

 

“They're having a contest,” Robin explains bemusedly before they can say anything. Surprisingly enough, she seemed to be in a better state then both of them, despite having drank nearly as much.

 

“Great,” Nami sighs, “So what's the deal then? We can't really settle up until they're finished, right?”

 

“Well,” you respond, “We do have rooms here. If they don't want to quit yet, they can sleep it off up there when they're done, and we can settle the tab in the morning.”

 

“Is that so?” Nami asks flatly, “You aren't trying to hustle us, are you? How much for a room?”

 

Money isn't what you have in mind right now, but being alone with them might be fun. They are quite attractive, not to mention entertaining.

 

“I think you guys have bought enough drinks for a free room or two,” you tell her with a smile.

 

A pained look crosses Nami's face. “You're probably right...” she muttered. “Thanks for the great night though, I'll be back in the morning. Are you staying, Robin?” Nami asks.

 

Robin shook her head and stood up. “I'll head back with you,” she says. “Thanks for the drinks, barkeep,” she adds, smiling at you.

 

As the ladies walk out the door, you hear the unmistakable sound of Robin's voice whisper in your ear, “Don't let him kill himself.” Maybe it was your imagination?

 

“Finally!” Zoro exclaims, “Now we can have some peace and quiet.”

 

Sanji looks up from his latest whiskey. He had choked the others back and smiled cockily, but it was clear that he was not having fun.

 

Zoro, on the other hand, still looks mostly fine, although his enthusiasm is starting to drain. He stares at Sanji's attempts to finish his drink, having finished his own several minutes ago.

 

Sanji finally finishes the whiskey, and quietly pushes the glass back.

 

“How about rum and cola this time?” you suggest. It's not really a girly drink, and he was looking pretty miserable.

 

“That sounds lovely, my dear!<3” Sanji exclaims. His cheeks were red from all the drinking.

 

“I'll just stick with whiskey,” Zoro replies.

 

“Mind if I join you?” you ask them as you pour the drinks.

 

“Go for it,” Zoro says.

 

Sanji responds enthusiastically as you sit behind the bar and begin to drink with them. As partial to rum and colas as you are, this time you just go for straight gin.

 

“You doing all right, cook? You're lookin' a little ready to quit,” Zoro taunts, but it does seem to be true.

 

“I'm not quitting,” Sanji says, “I'm just not in my element right now, fuckhead.”

 

“Oh?” you ask him, “And what is your element, Sanji?”

 

Hearing you say his name made him pop back into flirty mode. “I'm an expert gentleman, my princess!<3” he announced.

 

“Yep. And your bunk is crawling with babes every night, isn't it?” Zoro snickers, “Or maybe that was just my imagination again?”

 

Sanji looks furious, “You bastard, that was one single time! You said you wouldn't mention that to anyone!”

 

“Whoops,” Zoro says, “Must be the whiskey talking.”

 

You laugh, but stifle it when Sanji's blush deepens.

 

“Relax,” Zoro says, “She knows how lonely it can be at sea. Right, barkeep?”

 

A bit personal, but what the hell. You're drinking, and they're cute.

 

“Sure do,” you say back, “I don't know what I'd do if I had to share a room with someone.”

 

You're a pretty brazen person naturally, but the reactions they gave you made you blush just a little. Sanji's eyes widened and blood began to trickle from his nose. Even though he was the one that had asked, Zoro sat up straighter in his chair and turned his attention back to his drink.

 

Adorable. Both of these hugely famous pirates are sitting here, aroused by nothing more than the thought of you touching yourself.

 

It made you start to want them too. You decide to go for broke.

 

“In fact, I've been lonely for a very long time,” you inform them.

 

“I-I'd be happy to keep you company, m-my darling...” Sanji stutters after a moment of silence.

 

“Like you would even know what to do!” Zoro challenges, “You're all talk and you know it.”

 

“I am not!” Sanji shouts back indignantly. The alcohol and arousal were clearly working against him and his ability to think up insults. It was actually really cute.

 

“If you're not all talk, then let's finish our contest. If you're still awake when we're done, then you can see whether or not she'd even want your scrawny ass anywhere near her,” Zoro says triumphantly.

 

Sanji grits his teeth but says nothing. He clearly didn't want to lose, but did not want another drop.

 

You get a little nervous. Excitement had built up from their eagerness, and you'd hate to lose this chance. Too many more drinks and they'd be done for, as would your evening. You have to think of something, and quick.

 

“Why don't we stop the drinks tonight,” you suggest, “I don't want you getting sick.”

 

Sanji looks at Zoro, who appears to be mulling it over.

 

“No,” he finally decides, “He challenged me to a contest, and I'm not backing down.”

 

Sanji looks defeated, and stares at his glass.

 

“That being said,” Zoro says, “I'm a pro at drinking. That's not really a fair contest, is it?”

 

It really wasn't.

 

“So why don't we compete for something else,” he continues, “Something that you think you have the advantage in, cook.”

 

“Oh yeah? Like what?” Sanji asks bitterly.

 

“Hey barkeep, feel like giving me a kiss?” Zoro asked.

 

Oh yes, you sure do.

 

“That sounds okay,” you say smoothly, and stand up to kiss him.

 

Sanji stares in disbelief as you bring your lips to Zoro's and kiss. When you don't break away immediately, he puts his muscular arm around you and kisses you even deeper. His mouth tastes pleasantly like whiskey, and his manly scent swirls in your brain as you kiss for what feels like hours.

 

Too soon, he lets go of you and pulls away, sitting back down on his stool.

 

“So not only did I drink you under the table, but I have the balls to beat you at your own game too,” he says, smirking.

 

Sanji could only growl, his words failing him.

 

The kiss had made you hornier than ever, you can't let it end like this. You can feel the heat in your face as you blush hard.

 

“Shouldn't Sanji get a chance to kiss too?” you ask, “We don't know who the real winner is yet.”

 

Sanji leaps to his feet and struggles to compose himself. “That sounds fair, <3” he croaks.

 

You giggle and stand up to kiss him too.

 

This time, Zoro watches with jealousy as you move in close.

 

Sanji's lips are much softer, and his kiss is much less aggressive than Zoro's. Instead of taking the lead, his lips expertly respond to your own, and match your motions and enthusiasm. After a couple seconds, he puts his hand on the back of your head and strokes your hair lovingly.

 

This time, you pull away together and both sit back down.

 

Sanji is out of breath and has a dazed look on his face. He had enjoyed the experience as much as you did.

 

You have to wonder if he'd even want to kiss a woman after Zoro did if he wasn't sloshed. He didn't seem like the kind of guy that would want Zoro's sloppy seconds.

 

Hey, there's an idea.

 

“So?” Zoro says in a semi urgent voice, interrupting you from your fantasies. “He's hopeless, right?”

 

Not exactly.

 

“I don't know, you were both good,” you say.

 

“I actually know what ladies like, Moss-head. You aren't supposed to try to eat her face, you know,” Sanji says, brought back to reality by Zoro's voice.

 

“I didn't eat her face, dumbass!” Zoro retorts, blushing slightly. He was starting to lose confidence after seeing Sanji's fairy-tale kiss. “If she wanted a woman to kiss her, she'd have no trouble finding one!”

 

Their back-and-forth is making you feel very flattered. Their motivations may be to win against the other, but it was having the side effect of playing right into your own desires. Regardless of why, they are an inch away from fighting over you.

 

“Well, it's not like kissing is all a woman wants, ya know,” you say, breaking their attention away from each other. “I wonder which one of you is better in bed?”

 

Both of them looked stunned.

 

“You mean size, or what?” Zoro asks bluntly after a few moments.

 

Well it wasn't really meant to prompt an answer like that, but whatever.

 

“Sure, sweetheart,” you answer with a chuckle, “Feel like showing me what you're packin'?”

 

“Uh, yeah, no problem!” Zoro says and, much to Sanji's disgust and disbelief, stands up and pulls out his cock.

 

You gasp slightly as you look at it. The first thing you notice are the mint green pubes. As interesting as they are, though, his dick is even better. It's thicker than you expected, and looked a little longer than seven inches, if you had to guess. Despite the amount of alcohol he had consumed, his cock seems to be pretty hard.

 

“Damn!” you quietly exclaim. It's been a while since you've seen one up close, much less a perfect specimen like this.

 

“What the fuck, Zoro! Put that fucking thing away, she's seen it now, are you happy, you shit?” Sanji fusses indignantly, his drunkenness starting to show through his facade.

 

“What do _**you**_ think? Have you seen enough?” Zoro asks you with a big grin.

 

You blush a little more. You _are_ kind of staring at it, wide-eyed.

 

“It's a nice one, alright,” you concede, regaining composure, “but I couldn't tell you who's is better unless Sanji whips his out too, of course.”

 

Sanji's face changes from disgusted to nervous within seconds.

 

“You mean like, right now?” he asks, trying to sound as casual as possible.

 

Duh. Let's see some cocks.

 

“Well yeah, if you want to compare them,” you say as kindly as you can.

 

“O-Oh, okay,” he says back, “Let me finish this drink really quick.”

 

The drink had been finished for a while now, but that didn't stop him from 'drinking' it for a solid minute.

 

“Come on, cook, you can pleasure your cup later. Let's see it,” Zoro chided.

 

Your heart softens a little. It's beyond obvious that he was having a little trouble.

 

“You don't have to show me if you don't want to, sweetie...” you tell him gently.

 

“Oh, no of c-course not! I was just thirsty,” Sanji informs you with a laugh, and stands up.

 

He takes his time fidgeting with the buttons on his fancy black pants and eventually pulls his cock out.

 

Sanji's cock wasn't exactly small, but it was hanging down with only a semi-chub.

 

“It's just because I've been drinking!” he sheepishly tells me, and Zoro snickers at him.

 

If Zoro didn't stop goading him, you're going to give Sanji a gift to spite him.

 

“We've both been drinking, so I'd say this is another victory for me,” Zoro laughs.

 

“No it isn't! If I wasn't drinking so much, it'd be twice as big as yours!” Sanji snaps at him.

 

“If you say so. Too bad you can't please a woman with 'ifs,' right?” Zoro mocks.

 

Sanji looks as if he is going to spit fire at him, but you interrupt before he can say anything.

 

“Sanji, honey?” you ask, feeling like this is your time to shine. “You really think you could beat him if you were fully erect?”

 

“Uh... Definitely, my sweet!<3” he says back, trying to steady his sappy voice.

 

“Won't you step behind the bar a minute? I'll try to help you out,” you suggest, winking at the end.

 

Zoro has nothing to say for once, while Sanji seems to float as he makes his way around the bar and over to you.

 

You're getting really excited, this is the point of no return. This one's already wrapped around your finger, and if Zoro gets as jealous as you predict, you may even manage to bag both of them.

 

“I take it you don't mind a little help?” you ask him coyly.

 

“N-Not at all...” he says in a breathless voice.

 

You reach out and brush your fingertips down the length of his cock. He shivers at your touch, and his dick visibly reacts as well, bobbing slightly. He may be having trouble getting it up, but you know just what to do.

 

You kneel onto the ground, cutting one more look at Zoro's speechless face before it disappeared behind the bar.

 

“Ahhhhh...” Sanji squeak-moans happily as you start tease his dick, taking long, lapping licks across the head like a lollipop.

 

The taste is fantastic, his is easily the most well taken care of cock you've ever touched. Despite drinking in a bar half the night, the taste of sweat is very small compared to the clean, disarming taste and scent of whatever soap he uses.

 

On top of all that, you can't help but notice that not only is there no hair in the way, but there is not a single bit of stubble either. What the hell, does he shave it every morning?

 

“Tastes good,” you say with a sultry voice, and wrap your lips around it, sucking him into your mouth.

 

“Thank...You...” he says back, voice shaky.

 

You work your tongue furiously on his underside as you pull his length in and out of your mouth. Your efforts don't take long to do the trick, and he hardens up within seconds.

 

His cock's size is considerable, having grown a little with its erection. It has to be about the same length as Zoro's, although you haven't been nearly as close with his yet, so you couldn't say for sure. The one thing that was clear, though, was that Sanji's cock didn't seem to be quite as thick. Like the rest of him, it was toned and primped, but also long and lanky.

 

“There, is that better?” you ask seductively after you back up, retaking your seat.

 

“Much better,” he agrees, his voice an octave higher than usual. “T-Thank you, beautiful.<3”

 

“It's still smaller,” Zoro interjects sulkily, finally finding his voice.

 

Guess it's time to check, huh?

 

“Let me see,” you say, and grab Sanji's cock by the base. When you reach for Zoro's with your other hand, he stands up and allows you to grab it without hesitation. Huh, it's still hard after watching that.

 

With your hands clamped around the base of their cocks, it's easy to see the size difference in the length that sticks out.

 

“Oh my!” you say. Forget about the contest, it feels great to hold both of their cocks at once. They were both very warm, and throbbed occasionally at your gentle grip. Your vagina was getting quite wet, and you had to force yourself to deliver the verdict.

 

“Looks like you're a little bit thicker, Zoro, but Sanji is longer,” you announce. It is true, of course, but the difference in length is very small. Still, Zoro needed one more kick to get him fully on board.

 

“Ha!” Sanji shouts at him, “I knew it!”

 

“Ugh... Like length even matters if she can barely feel it,” Zoro says with a groan. “And besides, you cheated anyway. I'm sure I'd be even bigger if such a hot babe fluffed it first.”

 

“Hey, show some respect!” Sanji demands.

 

“You mean show respect to _me_?” you think to yourself. That's kinda sweet, not that it was really an insult. 'Hot babe' is one of the politest things you've been called by a pirate, to be perfectly honest.

 

“What the hell is wrong with that? It's a compliment!” Zoro squawks back at him.

 

“You don't think I'm a hot babe, Sanji?” you tease, pouting a little.

 

“Of course I do! I just meant-” Sanji hastily tries to amend.

 

“I know, I know. Just playing,” you assure him, “Although, to be fair, I think Zoro should get a little of my help too, if he wants it.”

 

“Yeah, I do!” Zoro says quickly.

 

Sanji glares at him as you go around the bar. Regardless of the outcome of their contest, you can tell just how different they are as lovers. Sanji had come to you without question, but you find that with Zoro, _you_ are the one that is coming to _him_.

 

“I appreciate it,” he says, and leans back against the bar slightly, sticking his junk out while he reclines. With him dictating the height, kneeling won't be an option. Instead, you're forced to bend down submissively to get to his cock, resting your hands on his thighs.

 

Telling him to get off his lazy ass is an option, of course, but it's making you pretty hot to have to cater to him like this.

 

You give his thick cock a test lick, and find that, luckily enough, it seems to also be adequately tended to. His green pubes were trimmed enough to not get in your way at all, so you waste no time taking his length into your mouth.

 

The taste, although it was from sweat, was a very light, masculine musk that seemed to shoot electricity directly to your pussy.

 

“Mmm... Yeah...” Zoro moans quietly, as you start to bob up and down. After a couple seconds, he reaches his hand out and places it on your head, guiding your motions in a firm, but gentle, manner.

 

You don't usually like it when guys do that. If they're lucky enough for you to blow them, they don't get a say in how you go about it.

 

You don't seem to mind with Zoro, though. He wasn't aggressively trying to ram it down your throat, or anything. You don't feel uncomfortable with him being dominant, it feels nice to not have the pressure of holding the power. As long as he doesn't abuse the privilege, anyway.

 

Now focusing on his cock, you suck it with a vigor. Your tongue works its way up and down the shaft as it goes in and out of your mouth, flicking your tip against his head whenever you can reach it.

 

You go a little too deep, and choke slightly. Weird, seems like you were going down even further before.

 

Luckily, he eases his grip some so you don't choke again.

 

“Don't you think you're ready yet, Moss-head?” Sanji practically growls, startling you a little.

 

Oh yeah, this wasn't supposed to be a blowjob. You were so caught up in it, you'd almost forgotten.

 

“Relax, I think she's having fun,” Zoro quips back. You blush, hearing the cocky grin in his voice.

 

You give one last lick, from base to head, for good measure as you stand up straight again. Now that you get a good look at it, it sure looks like Zoro's cock had indeed grown from your services. Not that he needs to know that.

 

“Shall we re-measure, then?” you ask, trying to sound innocent.

 

This time, both of them stand up straight, and stick it out as far as they can. You grip them by the base in each hand like before.

 

Great. Not only is Zoro's the longer one now, but he also got even thicker than before.

 

“Well well. Looks like Sanji's is still just a bit longer,” you lie. If you're lucky, they'll just trust you without checking. They sure don't seem interested in looking at each other’s' junk.

 

“Hell yeah!” Sanji shouts while Zoro groans. Sanji had been astonishingly nervous, he needed this little victory.

 

“It's still not what matters,” Zoro grumbles.

 

“Oh yeah? It matters plenty, because I WON!” Sanji gloats.

 

Not sure of that drunken logic, but whatever. As long as he's happy...

 

“Come one, girth is what matters, and I got you beat,” Zoro insists. “Someone with a pencil dick like yours couldn't please a woman even if one had enough pity on you to let you try.”

 

Oh come on, it's not like his is _**that**_ skinny. The idea that either of them would be concerned about their size is downright ridiculous.

 

“Isn't that right, barkeep?” Zoro says, turning to you, “Girth beats length?”

 

Well, time to play your hand.

 

“Both _are_ good for a cock to have,” you tell them, “but that isn't what'll really impress a woman. A big dick that can't perform isn't very useful, is it? Not to mention the man's actual sex skills.”

 

“And we both know who'd win there, eh cook?” Zoro says with a grin.

 

“Like hell you would, fuck-head! You'd blunder around like a moron as soon as the lights go out!” Sanji angrily says.

 

“Up yours, I wouldn't get lost! And at least I don't turn into a pile of stupid jelly whenever a woman even winks at me!” Zoro says back, getting heated as well. You try not to chuckle as his still-exposed cock jiggles around.

 

“Only one way to find out, isn't there?” you ask them.

 

They both look at each other, and then at you.

 

“Like... How?” Sanji asks slowly.

 

“I could use a good lay, and I wouldn't mind judging your skills,” you say casually.

 

Sanji looks as if his soul is trying to escape his body.

 

“Oh yeah?” Zoro asks, grinning broadly once again.

 

“Sure,” you say, “but only if you'll do it together.”

 

You hold your breath. This is it.

 

They remain silent for a moment.

 

“You mean at the same time?” Zoro finally asks.

 

“That's right,” you tell him, “Think you can ignore how you feel about each other for the sake of a woman's pleasure?”

 

Silence again.

 

“What do you think?” Zoro asks, turning to Sanji. He didn't sound like he was gloating anymore, but rather like was actually unsure for once.

 

Sanji's dumbstruck face turned hesitant as well.

 

“Uh...” he says, “I guess that could be okay...”

 

“Shall we head upstairs then?” you ask with a wink.

 

This should be fun.

 

You lead them into the back room. Sanji seems to be bouncing behind you with frenzied excitement, and Zoro has his shirt off by the time you get to the top of the stairs.

 

“Come on in,” you say seductively as you go through the door into your bedroom.

 

Sanji bounces in behind you, but Zoro doesn't follow.

 

“Where'd ya go?” you hear him call out.

 

What the hell? Your room is right at the top of the stairs, and the door is open.

 

“In here, dipshit!” Sanji yells back. “Fucking stupid...”

 

“Looks like you get to warm up first,” you tease him, and go in for a kiss.

 

“Sounds good,<3” he stammers, hearts in his eyes. Even in his ridiculous state, he kisses like a pro.

 

“So were you thinking, uh, one hole or two?” Zoro asks bluntly, having found his way in.

 

You break away from the kiss. Enough appetizers, you're starving.

 

“Two would be fine,” you tell him.

 

You playfully grab at Sanji's crotch, and find only disappointment.

 

“Umm,” he sheepishly says, “I just need another minute.”

 

Come on, Sanji, I thought we fixed that.

 

“It's okay, sweetheart,” you reassure him kindly.

 

“Yeah, take all the time you need,” Zoro says mockingly. “I'll get her ready for ya.”

 

Sanji just blushes as Zoro comes over and pulls you into a warm embrace, kissing you passionately.

 

Without warning, you find yourself pressed up against a wall by his chiseled body. Oh man, it feels like he's pressing a wine bottle against you. You give his straining cock a playful squeeze through his pants, and he kicks into high gear.

 

He first pulls your shirt off and kisses you again, feeling your bare chest against his. Next, he yanks down your pants, removing them completely. When he takes his own off, he kisses you yet again.

 

As you stand there, both completely naked, you catch a glimpse of Sanji angrily trying to force his cock to get up. It looks like he's making progress, but that doesn't matter right now.

 

Zoro reaches down and sticks a couple fingers inside you, probing around against your slick walls.

 

Apparently satisfied with your wetness, he pulls out and grabs his dick, slowly easing it inside.

 

“Ohh...” you moan as he enters you. He continues to push on, stretching your insides in the best possible way.

 

His cock is the biggest thing you've had in there in forever, but it feels wonderful nonetheless. It is so much more comforting then the cold plastic toys you usually use, and that's not even factoring in the god of a man it's attached to.

 

After a few thrusts to ease you into it, Zoro says, “Hold on to me.”

 

You wrap your arms around his neck, and he grabs your hips and lifts while you wrap your legs around him as well. He starts again, now that he's holding you up himself.

 

Fireworks explode in your brain as he fucks you. You've never had someone hold you up like this before. His cock is penetrating deep into you, rubbing against your soaking wet insides. His beefy, muscular arms make you sigh from the pleasure as they hold you tight. Best of all, he continues to grin down at you in a way that makes you feel like you're a treasured prize of some kind. Something that he'd do anything to win. While not really a romantic concept, something about it is very arousing when it's Zoro is staring down at you like that.

 

Sanji clears his throat loudly, causing both of you to turn. He is finally at full attention, and is glaring at Zoro, despite clearly being eager to join in.

 

“Move aside,” he half growled, “It's my turn.”

 

“Suit yourself,” Zoro said with a chuckle, gently setting you back on your feet. You fight the urge to pout as he pulls out of you and moves away.

 

With Zoro moving behind you, Sanji switches gears instantly at the sight of your naked body. He looks in danger of having a nose bleed, but you are quite relieved when he holds it back.

 

“Come on in,” you invite him coyly, ready to be filled up again.

 

You're thankful when he wastes no time getting into position and sliding his cock inside. It isn't as large, but still feels equally good. It curves upwards more than Zoro's, putting a little extra pressure in just the right place.

 

Sanji lets out a small, squeaky sound when he finishes burying his cock up to the hilt inside you. His face looks completely awestruck.

 

After the dicking you received earlier, you're too horny to play around like this. You reach up and grab his head, pressing his face firmly into your breasts. He melts even further, but it seems to do the trick.

 

His instincts kick in, and he begins to thrust, making you moan as he kisses up your neck.

 

“Ready for me?” Zoro asks, jealousy thick in his voice.

 

“Yeah, lube's in the top drawer,” you tell him breathlessly.

 

You can barely think. Amazingly, it feels like Sanji has found his life's calling. Despite all of his troubles, his cock is now thrusting into you and making small, circular motions with every thrust. It keeps skillfully rubbing right up against your most sensitive spot, and then seems to dance around it teasingly.

 

“Deep breath,” Zoro commands, and you feel his strong body against you once more. You brace yourself. Butt play isn't your favorite thing in the whole world, or anything, but it's always been a fantasy of yours to be shared like this.

 

Surprisingly, you feel pressure not on your anus, but on the lower part of your vagina.

 

“That's the wrong hole, honey,” you tell him breathlessly when he tries to push in anyway.

 

“Oh,” he says, and pulls back.

 

You brace yourself once more, and try to focus on Sanji's expert thrusting instead, but you feel Zoro try to enter your pussy again.

 

He's gotta know the difference, right? Does he just prefer that one?

 

“If you rub your fucking cock against mine one more time, you'll be eating it for breakfast, Moss-head!” Sanji warns him angrily.

 

“Oh. Sorry,” Zoro said sheepishly.

 

This time, he found what he was looking for, and began to push in. His head slipped inside easily, having been thoroughly lubricated.

 

You have to grit your teeth a little. Taking such a large cock into your ass is not the most comfortable of activities, but at least it's slippery enough to not be painful.

 

“You're pretty tight back here,” Zoro teases.

 

He isn't exaggerating. You feel fuller than you ever have before.

 

You can think of no response, apart from moaning. The feeling of both of these men inside you is too much for your mind to bear.

 

Zoro pulls back and starts to slowly thrust into you.

 

You flinch a little until you can get used to the feeling, and he responds by reaching up and firmly grabbing your breasts.

 

You begin to moan uncontrollably as Zoro starts playfully squeezing your boobs while he picks up some speed.

 

As the motion of your body starts to bend to Zoro's unyielding rhythm, Sanji grabs on to your hips to support his own thrusting.

 

Any discomfort you may have been feeling seems to melt away completely, leaving behind only blissful oblivion. All four of their hands feel as though they are gripping your very nerves, burning them with pleasure. Zoro's impossibly strong, muscular arms make you feel safe and secure, while Sanji's face, which somehow manages to look gallant and suave while simultaneously continuing to look awestruck and lustful, fills your heart with pride to the point of bursting.

 

Their thrusting takes you to levels you've never before managed to reach during intercourse. It usually takes fingers or a skilled tongue to build your pleasure enough to cum, but that plateau is now quickly approaching.

 

You refuse to surrender. This pleasure is intense, and will surely not be matched again soon, so you want it to last as long as possible.

 

No matter how hard you try, however, your efforts turn out to be futile, and you resign yourself to your fate.

 

You grab Sanji around his neck and pull him close for a deep kiss as your pleasure begins to approach the edge. You don't always kiss when you have sex, but this wasn't a typical night anyway, so you might as well enjoy it to its fullest.

 

After just a couple moments of kissing, Sanji yelps softly and thrusts deep. As soon as you understand the reason for his urgency, you feel his cock tremble and finally convulse, shooting pump after pump of hot cum deep inside you.

 

The warmth of his seed and the quivering of his cock finally push you over the edge. You tense up and let out a long, lewd, disjointed moan as wave upon wave of pleasure crashes over you. The pleasure waves start from deep inside your pussy, and radiate all the way out to your fingertips and down to your toes. Your body tensing is so bad that your knees threaten to lose balance, until Zoro drops his hands to your waist and steadies you.

 

Sanji looks completely delirious at the feeling of your muscles squeezing madly on his sensitive cock.

 

You hear Zoro grunt behind you. Your muscle contractions seem to have gotten to him as well, and he makes one final deep thrust.

 

Another load of hot, sticky cum is pumped into you, this time deep inside your ass.

 

There's nothing quite like the feeling of riding the high of an intense orgasm while two cocks twitch and ooze inside you. As exhausted as your legs are now, you feel so profoundly satisfied that it does not matter.

 

Sadly, though, it cannot last forever. Zoro is the first to pull out of you, and Sanji promptly does the same.

 

As much as you would love to crash on the bed, it would be very messy to do so immediately.

 

“Wait here a second,” you tell them, before stumbling off to the bathroom to clean up.

 

\----

 

When you come back, you find Zoro asleep in your bed.

 

Sanji is still awake, sitting on the end of the bed and looking thoughtfully out the window at the moonlit sea.

 

He smiles broadly when you approach.

 

“He didn't want to clean up?!?” you whisper incredulously at him.

 

“He said he'd shower in the morning,” he informed you in an annoyed, but soft, voice. “I made him at least put all his pants back on first. I'll kick his disgusting ass for you in the morning, if you want.”

 

That's better than nothing. Sweat, the bed could handle, sex juices were a different story.

 

“Don't worry about it,” you respond sweetly.

 

“So...” Sanji prodded, dropping his grin to a more nonchalant expression, “How was it?”

 

“It was pretty great,” you conceded. An understatement for sure, but true regardless.

 

He doesn't look quite satisfied with that answer, you note as you crawl into bed. You hadn't planned on sleeping with both of them all night, but the idea was fairly appealing. You scoot in close to Zoro's broad, muscly back and motion for Sanji to join you, seeking to once again be sandwiched between them.

 

“What I meant to say...” Sanji whispered, trailing off as he thought up what he should say.

 

“He's trying to ask you who won,” Zoro interjected sleepily, without bothering to turn around.

 

Liquored up as he was, he still cared enough to wake up for this. Simply amazing.

 

“Well,” you begin, trying to flesh out your judgments, “Zoro was certainly the more confident of the two of you. That's a huge turn-on, and can make or break a potentially romantic evening. He knew the moves too. He used his strength advantage to hold me up and pull me close to his firm, sexy body.”

 

“All true,” Zoro comments in a sleepy voice. Flat though it is, his tone indicates that he's grinning triumphantly.

 

“On the other hand, Sanji,” you continue, “it seemed like you had a few setbacks. The main ones, of course, being lack of confidence and not being able to get hard when you needed to.”

 

“Don't worry,” you reassure him, when he looks as though he's about to protest. “I don't doubt that alcohol caused most of it. I don't blame you at all, of course. You certainly were charming, if not a little cheesy, before you started drinking. I actually had a suspicion, based on your infatuation with women, that you just might be a virgin. That seemed more and more likely as the evening progressed, with you getting increasingly nervous by the minute.”

 

“I wouldn't doubt it,” Zoro jeered, causing Sanji to swear and hurl a pillow at him.

 

“When you finally got started, though,” you continue, “Your experience became perfectly clear. I've never felt a cock do anything like that. Even while you could barely string two words together, your cock knew exactly what to do. Zoro contributed, of course, but it was you that made me cum. Never done that from sex before.”

 

Sanji's face, which before was a little defeated, was now beginning to glow with pure joy.

 

“And if that wasn't enough, you came exactly when I did. I can't say if it's just a coincidence, but it sure seems like you were able to 'lock on' to my pleasure, giving me just what I needed and even matching it exactly,” you tell him.

 

It feels weird talking openly about this kind of thing, but hey, it's their contest, and you're happy to be a part of it.

 

“So...” you announce, “While it needs to be noted how arousing Zoro's confidence is, and how proficient he is at sex too, I have to declare Sanji the winner.”

 

“YES!!” Sanji shouts in a jubilant voice, making you and Zoro jump.

 

Zoro just groans.

 

“It was really a team effort, Zoro,” you assure him, but he waves his muscular arm dismissively.

 

“Eh, whatever...” he says, “I'm still better at drinking. I doubt he'll be able to even find another willing partner. At least I get booze every night.”

 

Sanji couldn't care less what Zoro thought.

 

“I take it you're happy with yourself?” you tease, looking at his moronic grin.

 

“I am, but I'm extra happy with you, my sweet!<3” he says, his cheesy voice returning.

 

“I'm happy with both of you, too,” you say with a laugh.

 

“Oh, my dear, if you thought I was talented before, you simply must allow me to please you with my tongue.<3 I think you'd love to feel what I can do, my sweet bar-tending angel,<3” he insisted, his voice grateful and dripping with sappiness.

 

A tempting offer, for sure.

 

“How about in the morning, stud,” you say with a grin of your own. “I'm pretty worn out at the moment.”

 

“Tomorrow morning it is, my darling.<3 I look forward to waking you up in the sweetest of ways, taking care to-<3” he says before he is interrupted.

 

“Shut the hell up and let her get some sleep,” Zoro bellows.

 

You giggle, and Sanji sulkily stops talking.

 

“Goodnight, boys,” you say coyly, and they say “goodnight” back.

 

Fairly soon, you feel Sanji's hand cup one of your boobs. You can't help but smile. You had gotten exactly what you wanted, and they were now going to keep you company for the whole night.

 

Your head swims with excitement at the morning to come as you finally drift off to sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

**~~~THE END~~~**

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still not quite sure what I'm doing with "X Reader" style fics, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway. 
> 
> Please feel free to comment anything you like, I love to read feedback! :D


End file.
